Tag Archives: working mom

I Am Not Superwoman

“The way we spend our time defines who we are.”  – Jonathan Estrin

Guilt is something that all moms may feel but I have a serious question for you. Do you think that the guilt felt is even greater for single moms? I tend to think the answer to that question is a resounding ‘Yes’. Maybe it can be attributed to our society or just because we feel extra pressure to be “on” ALL of the time but I know there have been times when I have wanted, very badly, to take some much needed time for myself and I have felt like I was the most awful mother in the world for feeling this way. Just the thought of wanting my children to leave me alone so that I could have a moment of silence or just to sit and relax without hearing “Mom” being yelled out every 5 seconds appeared to literally be heaven on Earth. However, for some reason, I would never fix my lips to ask for, much less take, that time. I mean, there were (and still are) times when I’d have to talk fast just to be able to pee alone! (TMI? Yeah, maybe it was.)

What do you do to not feel so guilty? And, if you don’t feel that guilt anymore, what have you done to make “mommy time” seem acceptable to you?

timeoutMomI know, for myself, I need just even an hour a day to recharge so that I am not so snappy with my children and/or others. I notice that I am sometimes not able to make that work, especially with children still under the age of 2 in my home, but I really try hard to get the rest that I know I need every night and to get the time, throughout my day, to just sit and relax… BY MYSELF. During my “me time” adventures, many times, I will do something that I enjoy like having lunch with a friend or reading a book or working on my writing projects, both here and elsewhere. However, there are times that I do things that just need to be done like cleaning my house, going grocery shopping (ALONE) or balancing my checkbook. I just try to make sure that I get a chance to have some ME time as often as I need it, without neglecting my children and my responsibilities as a parent, of course but still being true to who I am as a woman.

Surprisingly, I don’t feel guilty about taking time for myself anymore. It took me a LONG time to get to this point – it definitely was not all peaches and cream – I most certainly struggled with the thought of being able to take time for myself, away from my kids, and still being seen as being a “good” mother. My struggles were mainly internal and fear-based, stemming from current circumstances and also from how I was raised, but I had to realize that not every woman or mother is the same and what works for one family may not – scratch that, WILL NOT – work for my family and that is OKAY. Honestly, once I got this internalized and deeply rooted inside of me, it allowed me the freedom to finally start taking that time I so craved and deserved but never would ask for or act upon. What I learned is that I need time to replenish my energy, especially with how active my children are and with the busy schedule that we sometimes carry. The fact of the matter is simply this, I cannot be the best mother, friend or woman (period) that I want to be, and that I know I can be, if I do not take some time to do the things that bring me joy and that make me who I am.

So, what are you struggling with today?

As moms and as women, in general, we tend to take on the burdens of this entire world and it usually leaves us drained and unable to be the best us that we can and want to be. I think that it is time for a change and time for us to brush off what society (or other people) try to say to us concerning this subject. The thought for the day is to remember that it is alright to take some time for yourself. Your kids will still be there and they will still love and respect you. Not only this, but it will teach them that everyone needs – and deserves – to have some time for themselves to just relax, do things that they enjoy and to just be free. Don’t let society or the thought of being a bad mommy scare you because those things are not true and do not define who you are, in the least.

Until next time, Word-ies! Have a very, very happy hump day! 🙂

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I’m Telling Your Mama!!!

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Do your kids ever make you just want to pull your hair out? This is a very serious question by the way. This week alone my daughter’s school has had to call me, at work, to come to her school to bring her a change of clothes. Why, you say? Well, because she wants to leave out of the house dressed any type of way. Mind you, this is a little girl who is only 8 years old!!!!

I guess I need to start seeing if there is any way that I can go into work a half an hour to an hour later because obviously my sitter is not really checking my children before they leave for school in the morning. I have to be at work an hour before the kids leave out for school so I have a sitter who comes to the house to be there with my kids so I can get to work on time. She is a young college-aged girl and pretty responsible, from what I thought when I interviewed her. My kids love her and so do I but this past week has brought an issue to the surface that I didn’t know that we had. This issue of clothing and dressing appropriately.

Now, before you judge me, please listen to all of the facts. I do not go out buying my kids inappropriate attire. I am fairly modest and I dress my children in modest, yet also trendy ways, as well. However, we all know how kids can be, especially little girls. There have been times when I have thrown new clothes away and had to send one of my daughters back to their room, to change, because I noticed that one of them had decided to cut their pants up or do something else destructive (yet creative in their own minds) to look more “stylish” and to “fit in”. I was no angel when I was younger either but I think this is a different issue totally. Kids today definitely have it much harder than even my generation did when we were kids.

Celebrities – who are supposed to be “role-models” for our children – are talking about things and making it seem as if you have to wear a certain thing or look a certain way to be accepted. The media is presenting images and they are targeting our young girls more now than ever before in history. This whole world is being oversexualized. Our kids minds are being warped and their innocence is being taken away, little by little. I think it is an absolute shame.

If we don’t do something now to change this and teach our daughters that they are beautiful no matter what then we are going to have a bigger problem on our hands in the future. But this is not just something that we should be teaching our daughters because our sons also need to be taught to respect their mothers, sisters and any other women who may come into their lives. After all, we are raising young boys and girls who will become men and women someday. Something to think about…

So, what do you do when you have an issue with your child that you are not sure how to approach? How about your sitter or anyone else who is supposed to be a responsible adult in your child’s life?

The ‘F’ Word

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Yes, yes…. I know… it’s what you all have been waiting for. Someone get this lady a mic. It’s Fashion Friday!!! All things fashion for the working professional on down to the stylin’ and profilin’ tot and everyone in between. I won’t go into the entire spill this time but I will give you all a bit of my history with fashion.

I have always had a love for fashion. My motto is “If you look good, your feelings will usually line up accordingly.” With that said, I have, much like everyone else has, gone through a time when I just felt awkward in everything that I put on and didn’t feel “pretty”. You’ve had those days too, right? Come on…don’t leave me hanging!

Anyway, that period of time happened twice in my life…once when I was in my identity stage (between 12 and 14 years old) and the other happened since I’ve been an adult and a mom. Go figure… I have since learned what I like and what I look good in and vice versa but, believe you me, it wasn’t always easy to throw together an appropriate outfit for various events/engagements/situations. And yes, I had a little help, but now I am able to spot what looks good (not only on me but on my children as well) and take pride in being able to make multiple outfits out of a few pieces and I will show you how.

So, be sure to check back every Friday for our Fashion Friday updates, articles, make-up tips, style advice and much more. For all of my lovely Fashion-bloggers out there, let’s collaborate. Leave me a message here or email me at misssatomi1@gmail.com and let’s make this happen!

Looking forward to Friday fashion chats with you! 🙂

Reconnecting

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“There’s never ever, ever, ever, ever been a show like Veggietales!”

Yep, you guessed it, the kids are out of school today and, thus, it’s family day in our house (however, family day has become just another way of saying that the kids have control of what we watch – and do – for the day). My kids have chosen to program a number of shows including: mostly Disney channel shows, but they also threw in other favorites like Veggietales, Toy Story, and Doc McStuffins, this morning. My thought is that the older girls only threw in those last two so that the younger kids can think they got a chance to watch something that interested them… I don’t know who they think they’re fooling but as long as everyone’s happy, it works for me.

I tend to treasure moments when I can be with my children, especially since I work full-time and barely have enough energy (or time) left after the work day to engage my children, so weekends (and any “vacation” days that I can take off) are definitely very special and very much looked forward to, by everyone, in my home.

My older girls and I cook dinner together during the week, and sometimes prepare meals in advance on the weekends before a super busy week, so we are able to chat and reconnect during those times but I find it takes a whole different type of effort to engage and reconnect with my little ones, especially when there is homework to be done, studying to do, dinner to prepare and hair to be done and nighttime routines to be kept.

I was recently speaking with a married friend and she agreed that this is even hard for her and she expressed how strong she thinks I am for doing it alone. This was definitely an encouragement but also an eye-opener since I’ve always felt that having a partner/spouse to share the load with would be ideal and help make things easier…and while that has some truth in it, it is also still sometimes difficult even with both parents in the home. This allowed me to see how much women are connected, whether single or married, novice or experienced, we all have some of the same struggles and it is in these things that we can connect (and should connect) with other women.

So, here are some ways to aid in reconnecting with our children, but you can also use this as a guide to reconnect with others in your life…

  • Be Intentional: Much like any other relationship in our lives, we must be intentional with engaging our children. Intentional is doing something deliberately and on purpose. If we want to truly engage with our children, we must be aggressive and deliberate with the things that we say and do…the way we go about engaging them. Turn off the cell phones, tablets, laptops, television and engage…have a conversation for starters. Find out what your child does and does not like. I don’t care what you do, just do something!
  • Be Realistic: You know your child better than anyone else so you know what will draw them in and what will not. Even if you don’t, you are more than capable of finding out. It’s probably not a good idea to plan dress-up and tea party time if you have a 16-year old daughter that has no interest in dressing up or tea. Plan your outings and activities appropriately and be realistic in your planning. Being realistic could just mean making sure that you allot enough time for a particular activity and being open to your child revamping your plans.
  • Be Willing to Sacrifice: This means just what it sounds like. Be willing to sacrifice. You probably won’t be able to watch that show at that time but does that show even really matter??? You can always DVR it or watch it on Netflix, Hulu Plus, On-Demand, or even at another time (since most shows come on multiple times before the new episode appears). So, be willing to give up some things, if you want to truly show your child that they matter to you.
  • Follow-Through: This is similar to being intentional but also different in a way. Following through just means that you have set a date, time, planned an activity, etc. and now it is time to actually do this thing! Not that difficult right…this depends on you. Don’t cancel your date with your child for anything (if you can help it). Let everyone know that you have plans and ask them not to bother you unless it is an absolute emergency. Make adjustments as needed but be sure to follow-through on your commitment because there is nothing more heart-breaking than being told something, by someone you love, and then it not actually happening. So follow through!

What tools or techniques do you use to reconnect in your relationships? How long have you done things in this way? Add some of your favorite activities or stories from things that worked for you to engage with others. Would love for you to join in the conversation.