There are times when I feel like I am making some headway and doing okay. Then, there are times when I feel as if things couldn’t be worse and I am doing everything “wrong”. Just when I start to pat myself on the back for being the bigger person, something inevitable happens that makes me want to say things that I may live to regret someday.
I got an email from my lawyer yesterday evening that had been received by my ex-husband’s lawyer. In the letter my ex was pretty irate and stated that he was very unhappy with the fact that he has not heard from the children in a while. (I swear he is always upset about something and in turn tries to punish me at every chance he gets but I digress.) So, my lawyer forwarded this email to me to make me aware of the situation and to shoe me how my ex is planning to bring this up in our custody case at the end of the month.
Wow! That was all I was able to say to myself. This reaction would probably be a little different if I were to believe that my ex had actually tried getting in contact with the children on his own but I know that is not the case. The reason I know that he has not tried calling the children is because my phone has been turned on all this time AND he has my number. So, if he wanted to speak with the children he already knows that he is more than welcome to call my phone and speak with them.
Where my objection comes is when he puts it on the children – as if it is their responsibility – to reach out to him. Ummm… I’m sorry (okay, not really) but you are the adult, mister, and the one who left a hole in these children’s hearts so please act like an adult, pick up the phone and call your children – or their mother’s phone – if you are so seriously that upset and hurt that they have not chosen (or been made) to contact you.
His response to that would have probably been (and in the email it was, mind you) that he had been trying to call them on the cell phone that I got for them to have for emergencies and to contact their dad. Whereas my response, more likely than not, would have been that if he was unable to get ahold of them on their personal cell phone, there was still yet another way he could have made contact with them (i.e. he could have called my phone and voila, problem solved); that is if it was really that important to him which obviously it was not.
Also, if there had been communication between he and I, he would have known that the children lost their cell phone a couple weeks ago and have not been able to locate it as of yet. Knowing him, all of this would still have been my fault either for not ensuring that I didn’t “allow” their phone to get lost in the first place or for not informing him that it had been lost and not reaching out to him. However, I obviously believe he is more than capable of reaching out to us if there is a “real” problem or a real concern, which he has done only once before.
It is just so amazing to me that there are men in this world who still feel entitled and who will stop at nothing to hurt their ex, in turn, hurting their own children as a result. Men who will continue to make everything that goes wrong, everyone else’s problems instead of seeing how they may have contributed to the problem or could have resolved it on their own end. Incredible! But again, I digress.
So, my goal wasn’t to rant and rave here… really, it wasn’t. However, it does feel a lot better getting that off of my chest so that I can move on with my day, week, month, year and just life, period. The goal of this post was really to give advice – and possibly gain some sound advice – on how to move forward with life when toxic people or things try to burden you, tear you down and hold you back. But I guess that will just have to be another topic for another day.
Until we meet again, Word-ies!