Bringing Home Baby: Decisions, Decisions…

So, I have decided to start a series that I am entitling “Bringing Home Baby” and I would love to have you join me on my journey of ‘all things baby’. I was not at all prepared for my new addition. When I was pregnant, I had many thoughts of whether or not to keep my baby. I even went as far as making an appointment for an abortion but then I felt very convicted by this thought, seeing as though I am pro-life, so I decided to meet with an adoption counselor because one thing I knew was that if I couldn’t give this baby the life he deserved, I definitely wanted someone else to be able to. The adoption counselor made me think about things I had already sorted out and “dealt” with, or so I thought.

At the meeting, the adoption counselor explained everything to me. She said that their organization had a nursery for them to take the baby right from my arms, in the hospital, and even gave me a book to read to my other children so that it would be easier to explain to them that “Mommy loves you all but mommy has decided to let this new baby live with another family.” I was also given advice on how to explain to my children, especially the two youngest ones, that they would not be sent to live with another family just because mommy had decided to give the new baby to someone else. This, somehow, didn’t sit well with my spirit and I just couldn’t bare the thought of telling my children, of all people, what happened to their little brother so I figured I would sleep on this decision for a little while. It wasn’t long after that meeting that I gave birth to my handsome little prince.

The day that I went into labor was the best and worst day of my life. The best because I was going to finally meet this little bundle of joy that I had been carrying in my womb and the worst because I was not prepared for his arrival and hadn’t decided whether or not I would be keeping my precious baby. When everything was said and done, I decided to keep my baby. When I the nurse placed him near my face so that I could see him after they had taken him out of me (yes, I had a C-section with him), my first instinct was that he was mine and I was his and that was all that mattered in that moment. After I got sewn back up and was preparing to be taken over to the recovery room, I held my new baby and as I looked upon his face, I couldn’t help but kiss him multiple times. I could not bare the thought of living this life without him in it. It’s funny how that maternal instinct kicks in, isn’t it?

I decided, in that moment, to do whatever I needed to do in order to be able to properly care for him and his brother and sisters. I didn’t care how  hard this first year would be, I had made up my mind. And, now 4 months into it, it has definitely been a little difficult, it has also been one of the best decisions that I have made in my life. He may never get to know his father but he will always know just how much his mommy loves him and that’s enough for me. I have friends who have been involved in adoption in one way or another. They were the ones that gave me hope that adoption could, or could not, be a good fit for me. I take my hat off to any birth mother that has had to make the tough decision of putting her baby up for adoption and would love to hear your story.

Although, I didn’t go through with the adoption, or the abortion, I know there are so many women who have (and will) choose these options. I am not here to judge or to condemn you. I would love to know how you all got over these hard decisions, if this was a decision that turned out very well for you and your family or if you still live with regret in some way. Let’s start a discussion on this topic…

As always, stay phenomenal!

Signed,

A Fellow Single Mom

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